Happy Mother's Day!

I am a little reluctant to share what I am about to say, but I figure if you are actually reading this it must mean that you care. Since the birth of our first child I have struggled with postpartum depression. It has increased with each child and has been somewhat out of control the last little while. Don't get me wrong... I love my children more than anything in the world, but I often feel lost. I was married young, really young and my kids have come fairly quickly. My pregnancies are difficult and then my health declines after having my baby. I have tried to be the best mom but I often times fall short. Some days I hide in my books while the kids play around me. I have struggled to find a balance between mom and Jennifer but often Jenn is lost. This week has been difficult. The kids and I have been sick. The really fun stuff where everyone is throwing up and has diarrhea. My son hasn't slept and I am so tired. I wondered if maybe they would be better off with a different mom. One who could keep the house clean and have all the energy in the world and one who wouldn't be so selfish.

Today Malaya brought a mother's day gift home from preschool. It was a little vase with flowers, a gift card for a hug and breakfast, and a tile with her hand print. It probably sounds super silly but on the gift card for breakfast she had her teacher write out French toast. This is my favorite breakfast but we rarely have it because the rest of my family prefers pancakes. She knew what my favorite food was! Silly I know but it meant a lot. She was so excited for me to open the little tile and on the back it had this sweet little poem.

Everyday I am exploring

Touching everything I've found

I leave behind my little marks and hand prints all around

You clean up those hand prints

But someday when I'm grown

You'll wish you had just one hand print to keep for your own

I made this hand print for you

So that one day when I am tall

You'll remember what my hand looked like

Long ago when I was small

I realized again today how incredible blessed I am. My kids are amazing little spirits who love and enjoy life. They are growing so quickly and I am going to miss those little hand prints someday. I am also grateful for my mother who has done so much for me and my siblings. My life has been incredible blessed because of her.

So as we approach Mother's Day I just want to express my gratitude to my mother and also to my children who have given me a chance to be a mother.